Ok, I get it… not the most inspiring blog title. However, it speaks bluntly to what I think and more specifically, how I am feeling at this current moment. Why do I have a vision and a deep desire for something that I can’t have right now, or perhaps it is not ready for me… dare I say, I am not ready for it?? I’m not 100% sure about that last statement. But I am sure about this blog title, because waiting, DOES SUCK.
You see, home is something that I treasure and that grounds me. Home life is the starting point of my day, and the finish line. If my home is not healthy or made well, then my day somehow feels the same.
Do you ever notice how light and unphased you feel when you come home after a day out, or a week-long vacation; When your home is tidy and in order. You feel this accomplishment and ease of being home (I know I do). On the contrary, if you come home to old plates sitting on the kitchen counter, or laundry thrown about, or piles of mail and packages begging for your attention, there is an immediate unsettled, “where do I begin” feeling, that starts circling like fish on a baited line.
Shoot.. Maybe I’m the only one who experiences these types of reactions at home? I doubt it though.
Home is so important. Like SO IMPORTANT. It should be treated as our safe space to retreat, our warm and inviting space to have friends and family over, our space to raise and nurture our children, and a space to be encouraged and empowered to wake up each day and step into the things that are meant for us.
There is a phrase I use: “pride of rentership”. We don't currently own a home, while we have in the past, it is not where we are right now. But every single house I’ve rented, I have cared for it just like I would my own home. But when things come up, like needing new carpets, or redesigning the kids room to make it more functional, it presents many practical and emotional challenges for me.
On one hand, I want to say, screw it, let’s create some built-ins and deal with removing them later (when we are no longer renting)! Then the practical side kicks in and says, “how dumb would that be, don't throw away your money”! We’ve contemplated changing the carpet on our own dime because it sheds like crazy and is starting to buckle everywhere. If I've ever talked home/cleaning/etc with you, you might have heard me express my complete disdain for dust and how often I need to wipe surfaces off because of the dust (90% caused by this freakin carpet). The reality is that we do not own this home and we cannot pour money into it as if it was ours. It just doesn't make sense.
In the interim, my sanity sometimes goes out the window because I’m reminded of not only the nastiness of this carpet shedding but also my deep longing and desire to make a home in a place that is truly my home.
I want so badly to create spaces that truly work for our family, that bring joy when we walk into them, that provide holding places for our dishes and entertaining goodies, a gathering space where friends and family can comfortably sit and mingle and not feel squished and in each others faces. A yard for my kids to throw the football in, kick the soccer ball around, have water balloon fights, and maybe even someday, enjoy a dog running around. Living on a busy street presents many challenges and living in a rental townhome that isn't ours reminds me of the waiting.
I am grateful for where we are and what we have right now, but that doesn’t mean I can't be expectant and hopeful for what I believe deep down, is for me, and for us.
Psalm 37:4 says, “Delight yourself in The Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.” This doesn't mean that he will give me whatever I want (dang!). This also doesn't mean he will give me something I desire (ah shoot!). What this passage means is that, as I delight myself in learning who God is, and continue building a relationship with Him, he will provide the desires meant for me. You know I BE PRAYIN everyday that a beautiful home (that I own) is for me LOL…. honestly though, I feel it. I know it. I believe it. But I’m waiting… and this is the hardest part.
Delight yourself in The Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.
How do you tackle the times of waiting? Tell me and my readers in the comments below so we can be encouraged together.
There is a book that I really enjoy, and have found encouragement in, during various seasons of waiting. I will link it below - I hope it blesses you and encourages your heart.
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When The Heart Waits By Sue Monk Kidd |
Until next time, stay inspired and keep exploring!