The summer is still hot, and the days are still long and sun-filled, but the decisions looming around school, don't feel quite as bright at times.
I sat with a friend over coffee the other day, and she asked me a question I have been asking myself, for the last 6 months… “What are you going to do for school next year”?
Before we proceed…
If you haven't read my 2 part blog (“Moving to Park City” and “Living in Park City”), I suggest jumping back to read those first. It will help provide some context.
After moving our family to Park City, Utah from Newport Beach, California three years ago, we opted to try public school. We entered this new school season hopeful that we would have a good experience and that our kids would thrive in their new environment. While moving away from our friends and family was difficult, we found it even harder to move away from our beautiful school community in Newport. This was a place where the kids felt safe, seen, and valued. It was also a place where our daughter was thriving and going to school each day without separation anxiety and tears. Our school community became a family.
I’ve learned that sometimes you only need to try something once, to truly know if it’s for you. This quickly became our reality.
At first, all seemed fine, our first month of public school was ok, nothing alarming or concerning. Makena went through a difficult phase of intense separation anxiety and many hours of tears. School drop-off was becoming increasingly miserable, and my heart ached. Her teacher was visibly exhausted from navigating the emotions each day; Makena would frequently sit with the school counselor to give the teacher a reprieve.
The kids first day at public school.
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On top of Makenas (and my) growing anxiety, we were met with a gut-wrenching period, where all three kids felt alone, bullied, and confused in the classroom. As overwhelmed and upset as we were, we tried to navigate this new experience with grace and encouragement. As I prayed for understanding, the right words to encourage my kids, and the courage to communicate and stand up for my kids with school officials, we came face to face with an even bigger decision.
Do you know those famous last words, “I WILL NEVER__________” - well, it just so happened that one of my “I will never’s” was now a, “maybe I need to”.
After 4 1/2 months of our kids absolutely hating school and dreading each day, in addition to an exciting new countywide mask mandate (insert sarcasm), we decided to pull the kids from school and try “at-home learning” temporarily. The school graciously provided us with student iPads and an online curriculum so our kids could continue to learn and stay involved with daily class tasks.
This decision came at a divine time, that was not planned or methodically obsessed about.
Much to my surprise, the kids LOVED learning from home and I enjoyed it too. God made this way for us, because there is zero chance I would have said yes to home-learning 3 months prior. During this time, Matt and I started to ask ourselves, “What if… what if we homeschool the kids full-time”?
As much as I wanted to say NO WAY, my heart and spirit felt something different. My previous “NEVER”, suddenly felt like a “You can do it Summer”.
There is so much more to this story and it’s by God’s grace, protection, and encouragement, that any of this was possible. It has been 2 1/2 years of challenging yet fulfilling days. Experiencing our youngest son Shae, go from hardly reading simple words, to reading chapter books and watching the kids write, create, and understand difficult concepts, it makes the hard work and time involved, worth it.
But, as seasons change, so do our roles and responsibilities.
This last year has been increasingly difficult as I’ve tried to navigate preparing for homeschooling while also making time for my physical, spiritual, and mental health. I’m left with the question begging to be answered: “What's next?”
One thing is clear, public school is not an option for our family. The private schools we’ve considered and researched are not only out of reach financially, but also not a setting we think all three kids would thrive in.
This has been extremely difficult for me to come to grips with. My inner dialogue turns sour and instead of cheering myself on, I turn to shutting down and avoiding. My heart and mind go to battle against each other and the ideas and questions begin to feel like a blender of doubt.
Big decisions aren't easy at first. Here is what I am learning and reminding myself…
Clarity takes time
Decision-making is a team effort (married couples, business partners, parents and children, etc)
If the answer isn't clear or I don't feel at peace, it’s not time to decide
Shame and guilt have no place in the process
Do the research, talk to other people who have been there
If my goal and/or hope in this decision changes frequently, then I need to slow down and rethink what is happening
THRIVE - does this help our family thrive!?
Remember, if the answer isn't clear or you don't feel at peace, it's not time to decide.
~ Summer Meddock
My hope in this new school season, is to find a healthy balance so that mommy can thrive too. We are actively meeting with educators, friends, teachers, and schools. Putting in the time to understand the full scope of our decision. I know and believe that as this process continues to unfold, we as a family, will be in unity and not tension with the final outcome.
If you need encouragement around making a big decision, download my free Q&A template here.
I hope by reading this post, you are encouraged and feeling less alone in your big decisions.!
Until next time, stay inspired and keep exploring!